How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
