Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
