Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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