drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
