Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
