Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
