I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
