She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
