homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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