I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's the barista slut.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
