i wish semen tasted like chocolate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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