I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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