my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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