Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
