It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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