Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
