the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
