I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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