My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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