Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize