If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your dad touched me again.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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