Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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