we have pet lesbian snakes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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