i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
