GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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