dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
