Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
