i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
