you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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