Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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