well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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