I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize