i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
