I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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