I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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