I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
