I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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