Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
