forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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