Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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