I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
