I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize