the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
