You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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