i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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