You work out of a Hotel?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
