I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
