you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
