guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am available for nakedness
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
