nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
