Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
