Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
