Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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