You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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