I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
