I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
