May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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