Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
