I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize