that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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