terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
