Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize