My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
