Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
