if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need moral support for this bender
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
