i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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