Quick, to the slutcave!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
