I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
