Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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