This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
