Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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