i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
