So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
