dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
