I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
