Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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