i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
