Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
