; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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