btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
