Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
