I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
