Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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