I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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