I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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