So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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