watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
