The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
