ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
