she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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