I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
