So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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