dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
