what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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