can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
