White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize