yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
