She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
