It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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