i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
