Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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