I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
