Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize