Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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