it wasn't lemon gatorade
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
