am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
