Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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